so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
