I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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