just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
