Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
