I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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