Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize