I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
