keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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