11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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