and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
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We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Everyone says I win the strip club
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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