Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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