Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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