So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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