when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
