please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
