porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
