operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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