I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do vagina's smell?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
