He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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