could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
