puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
