i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
