I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
