I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
