he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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