if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize