her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
