dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
