Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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