my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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