Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
