Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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