we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
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Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.