I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.