Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?