I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
