i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i believe in u and ur pee
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
