Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
