remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize