took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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