i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
