i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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