You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
