took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
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I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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