If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.