And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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