yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Still dying that you shit outside
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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