i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
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They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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