So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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