Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance