just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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