I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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