OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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